After that we went south,while my dad remained up north now.mom had to ask her parents for help for us to we made it back home thanks my loving gandfather Pop came through he had sold his farm on sand mountain to help rasie me.
they purchaser a trailer helped mama rent one as well in a small trailer park and moved right beside us.so mama could work.. that's all she did constantly she was a work a holic! Factory by day Cocktail Waitress by night.So thanks to my Loving Father ( Yeah Right )
He hurt Our whole family and turned our world upside down!..as I went form a bedroom of my own in a real house to Air Stream Camper Trailer
bunk where I slept with my mom when she was home..all this in on my head It caused me to have migraines at the tender age of five I literary pass out because of them still do time to time even now.
So there we where just me & mama against the world with out a penny in our pocket.mama told me her first tought was for us just to walk down freeway in front of a simi an ended all right there...but instead she tryed to make a life for us.We moved into just about every trailer in the park for years we lived there....I hated every day of it!!!!
It was hard being a divorced women back in them days esp... with dads bad name haunting her ever where she went She was depressed but I was to young to know that,So she had married dad to get away from granny..Its sad but I know now how she must have felt now that shes gone.
She kept it dark with thickest curtains she could find...sometime Id wait alone in a dark or dim lighted trailer for hours waiting on her are pop to check on me but even he could do that much as granny kept him hoping
I was never allowed out the trailer,I was instructed to stay put till my mama got back home when ever that was .so in away I raised my self! There was no phone are TV, I watched that at my Grandparnets house
O tried to do somethings outside ( I loved my pony shaped rock its was in park ) but It never work out for me very well as I was to scared are paranoid to move are speak up in my house.
I remember once when I sprianed my ankel pretty bad when I snuck out just to fly a kite mama made me...figuer no one had the time too show me how...Another time I snuck out during a bad thunder storm to be with my mama ..I left them a note for pop ran down the road crying
I needed my mama all I got was my butt beat for it!
No Brother are Sisters to play with Just music so it became my best
friend. well my only friend as none where allowed over or me to there house.I did later found out my Sister tried a number of times to get me away from mom ,I guess she saw first hand things just were not right
Just when she was pulling together Mom & me had a very bad wreck She was taking me to my sisters cause pop could not watch me To busy with granny I guess! We almost went off the cliff going to hell town in Jasper a 100 ft drop in the river. .
I can still hear saying saying hang on baby we anit going that way but she turned to quick & It broke the sterling wheel column off..so head straight into the mountain wall... she tried to lay it on it's side but there was as she called ( That Damm! Rock! ) We went end over end. It broke me all up stayed in the hospital for weeks still have scars.
I had a stuffed pony that granny made me I asked for it over an over again he was my only friend It's name was Tony. Mama lost it in wreck and I never forgave her for it.Just figured It was something else she tried to take from me,it's over 40 years I still can't forget it....
Dad made a showing while I was in the hospital in South Pittsburgh with stuffed monkey I gave away, I wanted Tony! Mama put him on the road .the car wreck mama & me had happen before I even started school so it added to all my childhood trauma.Now all this happen to me before the age of ten!
I heard It only takes couple major events to reshape a child's personality.mine was play doe I guess!
( Guess that's why I relate so well to dark places I'm so at home in shadowy spaces me and the sun don't agree very well an my fave Colors are Black & Blue all are symbols of Pain, Oppression & Depression).. I Lived & Learned at Very early age. What blues where truly all about !
